I have been having trouble lately staying on task with my program. I have been thinking about why this is happening and here are a few conclusions that I have come up with, and they all seem to tie in together.
1. I have a friend, we are going to call her Betty for privacy purposes, and she has done this program and has developed and obsession with her looks and weight, and has developed an eating disorder. I have mixed feelings about this, because I have never dealt with this type of situation before. I feel angry because of what she is doing to her family, and friends. I feel scared because I am afraid of what this is doing to her. I also feel helpless because I don't know what to do to help, and I usually know how to help my friends. I am afraid that my friends are going to tie Live the Life and Betty's disorder together and think that the same thing is going to happen to me. I also feel a little scared that I could also become obsessed with how my body looks and I don't want to become like Betty, so I have justified my being sidetracked on this program, by eating treats and things, because I am at a healthy weight, and I am not going to turn out to be like Betty.
2. Halloween just came and went, and there is all sorts of candy lying around my house and I am weak and cannot hold back.
3. I have Social Anxiety Disorder, and because of all the things happening to Betty, and my friends having negative thoughts towards her new life style, I stress about them having those same feelings towards me, so I eat to "prove" to them that I am not like that. For some reason, I care a lot about what people think of me, to the point where I sometimes get anxiety attacks in social settings because I feel people are watching me and judging me. I am trying to overcome this disorder, but it is very hard for me.
4. This program is kind of expensive when it comes to buying the food each week, and money gets low at the end of the month, and I haven't had enough to buy my food, plus food for the family, and my family comes first. So, I have been trying to eat meals from past weeks, that I have the ingredients for, and for the most part I have been doing that, except for I still eat the sugary stuff that is lying around my house. UGH!
Right now, I am just feeling so lost and confused and not sure how I should go about this. I do know that I feel like crap after eating all that junk food, and I know its not good for me. I argue with myself everyday for all the things that I am eating. Its almost like having the angel and devil on my shoulder. One telling me its okay to eat it, because I "deserve" it, and the other telling me that I know how I will feel after eating it, and its not worth it.
I have questioned why am I doing this program, and what am I trying to prove or get out of it? I have gone over my goals that I wrote down at the beginning of the program and I feel really guilty for all the junk food that I have consumed over the past couple of weeks.
On the other hand, I feel that if I keep going on the program, I will lose my friends because they will think that I am the same as Betty, or I am afraid that they will feel that I think that I am better than they are and not be my friend anymore. I have dealt with this with my friends before back in high school, and it ruined my self-esteem, but that is another story.
Anyway, I am trying to talk myself back into getting back into the program and back on track. Its very hard once you get off and introduce junkfood back into your diet. I truly am addicted to food, and I need to overcome this addiction!
I hope to do better the rest of this week, and be able to be inspiring to people once again, instead of a let down to people.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Back on track!
I had to give myself a pep talk Tuesday night. I am sick, but in order to get better I need to eat healthy, right? So, I worked out for an hour Tuesday night and I got up this morning and did my workouts and ate healthy all day today and made sure I took all my supplements and drank the required amount of water! Good job outta me! I reviewed my goals and remembered what I wanted to achieve and I am back in the game baby!!
And surprise, surprise, I am feeling better today, due to the fact that I ate healthy and got my workouts done. Hopefully the next time I get sick, I will remember that eating unhealthy did not help me feel better, and will learn from the mistakes I have made this time around! :)
And surprise, surprise, I am feeling better today, due to the fact that I ate healthy and got my workouts done. Hopefully the next time I get sick, I will remember that eating unhealthy did not help me feel better, and will learn from the mistakes I have made this time around! :)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Week 4
Week 4 was a horrible week for me. I don't know if it was the weather, or what, but I did not stay on my meal plans the entire week! I craved food like crazy, and the food from week four was just not that good, and I had a hard time. I also suffer from some depression, mostly when there is bad weather, "winter blues" I guess it is called, so that could have had something to do with it.
It all started on Tuesday, when it was my turn to teach preschool. I had to come up with a snack, which means that the leftover snacks were brought back home with me. Now, I don't keep much junk food in the house, so its not there for me to snack on, and the junk food that I do have, is stuff that I don't like, but that my kids like. Anyway, so the snack for preschool was Nilla Wafers, which I am not a big fan of, but for some reason I was craving those, and I just kept sneaking a few cookies at a time, through out the whole day. Calories add up quickly that way. The next day I still wanted junk food, and thought to myself, well I already screwed up the day before, so what is one more day? And that is how the rest of my week was. I just lost my drive for the week, and honestly, didn't really care at the time. I kept telling myself, that I will do better next week. Not the best attitude to have, but that was my attitude. At the end of the week I did feel like a failure, and that I have let so many people down, that tell me that I inspire them. How am I supposed to inspire people, when I do things like this? Not a very inspirational week for me. Sorry to everyone!
I also have had a cold all week, which didn't help my eating either.
I was still able to do the workouts, except for Saturday's workout. Didn't get that one in. I have not weighed myself today, because I feel I will be disappointed in myself, and feel even worse than I do now, so I am not going to do that to myself.
This morning, I feel so horrible with a nasty cold, and have no appetite at all, so hopefully this will help lose some of the weight that I am sure I gained throughout the week. I am disappointed in myself, and have pushed back my goals, but I will get over it and move on and once I am feeling better, I will start with the new week, and keep moving on.
I am sorry if I have disappointed any of you that read this. But, now you all know that I am not perfect, and yes, I do make many mistakes, and I hope to learn from them!
It all started on Tuesday, when it was my turn to teach preschool. I had to come up with a snack, which means that the leftover snacks were brought back home with me. Now, I don't keep much junk food in the house, so its not there for me to snack on, and the junk food that I do have, is stuff that I don't like, but that my kids like. Anyway, so the snack for preschool was Nilla Wafers, which I am not a big fan of, but for some reason I was craving those, and I just kept sneaking a few cookies at a time, through out the whole day. Calories add up quickly that way. The next day I still wanted junk food, and thought to myself, well I already screwed up the day before, so what is one more day? And that is how the rest of my week was. I just lost my drive for the week, and honestly, didn't really care at the time. I kept telling myself, that I will do better next week. Not the best attitude to have, but that was my attitude. At the end of the week I did feel like a failure, and that I have let so many people down, that tell me that I inspire them. How am I supposed to inspire people, when I do things like this? Not a very inspirational week for me. Sorry to everyone!
I also have had a cold all week, which didn't help my eating either.
I was still able to do the workouts, except for Saturday's workout. Didn't get that one in. I have not weighed myself today, because I feel I will be disappointed in myself, and feel even worse than I do now, so I am not going to do that to myself.
This morning, I feel so horrible with a nasty cold, and have no appetite at all, so hopefully this will help lose some of the weight that I am sure I gained throughout the week. I am disappointed in myself, and have pushed back my goals, but I will get over it and move on and once I am feeling better, I will start with the new week, and keep moving on.
I am sorry if I have disappointed any of you that read this. But, now you all know that I am not perfect, and yes, I do make many mistakes, and I hope to learn from them!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Week 3
Week 3 is completed! I felt I did pretty good this week. I did have a free meal on Saturday night, but I weighed myself Saturday morning and was happy with the weight which helped me not to pig out on my free meal. So I ate some nachos and some m&ms, and a small piece of cake. I also ate dinner at my moms on Sunday night which was salad, pasta and garlic bread. I have a cold and really didn't care much about eating my diet dinner that night, which is okay to me. I did use portion control.
I did my workouts every day except for Saturday which was 45-60 min on the elliptical. I feel I made up for it Sunday night when I played Just Dance 2 on the wii with my brothers for about 30 min.
I am noticing more muscle definition in my arms and legs, and even on the tummy! I do have a six pack under all the fat. You can feel it, you just can't see it, yet! :)
I have lost 2 pounds this week, and 1.5 inches off my waist this week! I am now down to my goal weight and 1-1.5 inches away from my goal waist, and 0.5 inches away from my goal hips! I am almost there!
I have a feeling week 4 is going to be a challenge for me. Most of the meals don't sound very appetizing, so I will probably have to swap out the meals for a different meal, to help me stay on track. Although, I did tell myself that today I do have to try them, give the meals a chance, maybe they will surprise me and be delicious! I also am starting week 4 out with a head cold which makes having enough energy to exercise hard, but I will get it done, just not at 5 in the morning, which is when I usually work out. I will probably do the workouts during Paisley's morning naps so I can sleep in and get as much rest as possible so this cold will go away as soon as possible!
Wish me luck! :)
I did my workouts every day except for Saturday which was 45-60 min on the elliptical. I feel I made up for it Sunday night when I played Just Dance 2 on the wii with my brothers for about 30 min.
I am noticing more muscle definition in my arms and legs, and even on the tummy! I do have a six pack under all the fat. You can feel it, you just can't see it, yet! :)
I have lost 2 pounds this week, and 1.5 inches off my waist this week! I am now down to my goal weight and 1-1.5 inches away from my goal waist, and 0.5 inches away from my goal hips! I am almost there!
I have a feeling week 4 is going to be a challenge for me. Most of the meals don't sound very appetizing, so I will probably have to swap out the meals for a different meal, to help me stay on track. Although, I did tell myself that today I do have to try them, give the meals a chance, maybe they will surprise me and be delicious! I also am starting week 4 out with a head cold which makes having enough energy to exercise hard, but I will get it done, just not at 5 in the morning, which is when I usually work out. I will probably do the workouts during Paisley's morning naps so I can sleep in and get as much rest as possible so this cold will go away as soon as possible!
Wish me luck! :)
Monday, October 11, 2010
Week 2
What can I say about week two? I learned that I am weak, and I cave into cravings very easily. I did not do well this week at all. Maybe it was the food, didn't really enjoy the food this week, so eating those meals every single day got old very fast.
On Tuesday I made dinner for my friend and her family, I made my comfort food: Broccoli and Cheddar soup in bread bowls. Well, I also made that for my family, and yes I ate that for dinner as well. Couldn't help myself, it was raining and it was the perfect meal for the rainy day. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I did very well sticking to my diet. Saturday came and I was starving all day long. I was watching tv and I swear every food commercial out there came on, and cravings were hitting so hard, that I was literally in a bad mood because I was so hungry. So I finally told Lee that today was a free day and I was eating whatever I wanted. So he went and got some burgers and fries and onion rings from Daley Freez here in Payson. I was in heaven as I sat there eating all that greasy food! I also made double fantasy chocolate bars to take to our friends house that night for game night. And yes, I also ate one or two of those topped with ice cream. I know, I went all out that day!
Then on Sunday, I was back to sticking to the diet, until we went to my sister's house for dinner. I packed my dinner ( a mexican salad, which wasn't my favorite) to her house, mentally ready to eat it. But she had made tacos, and nachos and they smelled so good, and watching everyone else eat that delicious food, I decided to partake and ate a small plate of nachos. I did have portion control and didn't eat a lot.
Later we got word that my grandpa wasn't doing very well, so my mom, sister and brothers decided to go visit him. That was really hard for me seeing him like that. I came home and was once again hungry ( I know, I am always hungry!!) so I said to myself, screw it I am going to eat. So I ate some cereal. Fruity Pebbles. Its funny how food makes you feel better. Its not a good thing to be an emotional eater, I know that, but I can't help myself, especially when I am already feeling down.
On a plus side, I did do my workouts every day this week. I only missed the elliptical one day, but did all the strength training every day this week. So I know that I can do the workouts, and that isn't a weakness for me. I am very good at doing my workouts. At least I am consistent in one area of this program! :)
So, that was my week in a nut shell. So what was the outcome of all this? Well I gained two pounds (shocker!), and haven't dared measure myself yet, but I am sure the outcome isn't going to be anything good.
What have I learned this week? That I am weak, and I need to be stronger than cravings, and I need to replace food with something else when I am feeling emotional. But what doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger! I did buy Halloween costumes for myself and Lee yesterday online, and I HAVE to stick strictly to my diet until Halloween so that I will fit into my costume, and look smokin hot! :) So, that is my goal outfit for the month. And it will help me stick better to my diet.
Starting week 3 today. Wish me luck, and I plan on sticking to my meal plans this whole week. No more weakness or excuses, there is not room for that for the next few weeks. I am going to learn from my mistakes and be strong!!
On Tuesday I made dinner for my friend and her family, I made my comfort food: Broccoli and Cheddar soup in bread bowls. Well, I also made that for my family, and yes I ate that for dinner as well. Couldn't help myself, it was raining and it was the perfect meal for the rainy day. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I did very well sticking to my diet. Saturday came and I was starving all day long. I was watching tv and I swear every food commercial out there came on, and cravings were hitting so hard, that I was literally in a bad mood because I was so hungry. So I finally told Lee that today was a free day and I was eating whatever I wanted. So he went and got some burgers and fries and onion rings from Daley Freez here in Payson. I was in heaven as I sat there eating all that greasy food! I also made double fantasy chocolate bars to take to our friends house that night for game night. And yes, I also ate one or two of those topped with ice cream. I know, I went all out that day!
Then on Sunday, I was back to sticking to the diet, until we went to my sister's house for dinner. I packed my dinner ( a mexican salad, which wasn't my favorite) to her house, mentally ready to eat it. But she had made tacos, and nachos and they smelled so good, and watching everyone else eat that delicious food, I decided to partake and ate a small plate of nachos. I did have portion control and didn't eat a lot.
Later we got word that my grandpa wasn't doing very well, so my mom, sister and brothers decided to go visit him. That was really hard for me seeing him like that. I came home and was once again hungry ( I know, I am always hungry!!) so I said to myself, screw it I am going to eat. So I ate some cereal. Fruity Pebbles. Its funny how food makes you feel better. Its not a good thing to be an emotional eater, I know that, but I can't help myself, especially when I am already feeling down.
On a plus side, I did do my workouts every day this week. I only missed the elliptical one day, but did all the strength training every day this week. So I know that I can do the workouts, and that isn't a weakness for me. I am very good at doing my workouts. At least I am consistent in one area of this program! :)
So, that was my week in a nut shell. So what was the outcome of all this? Well I gained two pounds (shocker!), and haven't dared measure myself yet, but I am sure the outcome isn't going to be anything good.
What have I learned this week? That I am weak, and I need to be stronger than cravings, and I need to replace food with something else when I am feeling emotional. But what doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger! I did buy Halloween costumes for myself and Lee yesterday online, and I HAVE to stick strictly to my diet until Halloween so that I will fit into my costume, and look smokin hot! :) So, that is my goal outfit for the month. And it will help me stick better to my diet.
Starting week 3 today. Wish me luck, and I plan on sticking to my meal plans this whole week. No more weakness or excuses, there is not room for that for the next few weeks. I am going to learn from my mistakes and be strong!!
Monday, October 4, 2010
First day of week 2
I made it through my first day of week two. Eating new foods this week. I LOVE, LOVE the LTL pancakes! I could eat those all day. I can already tell that I am going to have a hard time eating 1/2 c. of edamane beans every day though. Those are something to get used to I guess.
I was thinking that no matter how many people that I may or may not inspire, these two little girls are the only ones that I truly hope to inspire in my life. And as you can see we are off to a great start! They like to copy me and do as I do! :)
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Week One
I made it through week 1, barely! On Thursday I totally broke down, cried on the floor and ate about 1/4 cup of ice cream! AAHHH! The sad thing was, was that it wasn't satisfying. So I stopped eating it. Friday went really well. Saturday, I decided to give myself a cheat day (don't judge!) because my family kept eating such yummy treats around me as we watched General Conference, and I was weak and caved in. I ate Oreo cookies and had a burger from Wendy's. But it felt good and I got over the cravings, and I jump started my metabolism, since it had to go into overdrive to burn all those calories! :) I know that I am not perfect, and I caved way too easily, but I will learn as I go on this journey!
I did really good today, staying on the program and watched everyone around me eat yummy snacks and a pulled pork dinner, but I was strong and kept my goals in mind!
I was very consistent with the workouts through the whole week. I never missed one day! So good job out of me for being strong in that area!! :)
I weighed myself and I lost 1 pound and 1.5 off my hips in the first week!! So during all those breakdowns and one free day I still lost!!
Now, my meals are ready for next week, and my goals are set, and I am determined to make it through the week without any emotional breakdowns or a free day!
Wish me luck!!
I did really good today, staying on the program and watched everyone around me eat yummy snacks and a pulled pork dinner, but I was strong and kept my goals in mind!
I was very consistent with the workouts through the whole week. I never missed one day! So good job out of me for being strong in that area!! :)
I weighed myself and I lost 1 pound and 1.5 off my hips in the first week!! So during all those breakdowns and one free day I still lost!!
Now, my meals are ready for next week, and my goals are set, and I am determined to make it through the week without any emotional breakdowns or a free day!
Wish me luck!!
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