Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Dreadful feeling

Do you ever get a feeling that something huge is about to happen?  Something life changing?  And with the feeling all you feel is dark and dreadful?
I had this feeling last night.  I wasn't feeling very good yesterday, having an off day, and last night when I went to bed I just got hit with something.  A horrible feeling, that I couldn't shake.  Something felt very off.  The thing that kept popping into my mind was it had something to do with me.  So, I then I started going through everything that could be wrong with me.  Maybe I have skin cancer, or maybe I have a tumor, or maybe ovarian cancer, or maybe ............ These thoughts just kept going through my mind.  Needless to say, I didn't sleep last night.  And I am really hoping that this was something just in my mind. 
Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.  It helps to write about these things.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Cont. from previous post

As I have been thinking about the previous post, I realized I sound pretty negative towards myself.  So, here are some positives that I have of myself, which I think would make me a great trainer/dietician:
  • I have many people telling me in person and on facebook that I inspire them
  • I have many people always asking me for workout routines, my opinion on different workouts, healthy recipe ideas, meal plans, etc.
  • I believe that people respect me and my opinions
  • People trust me
I think these are good qualities in a personal trainer.  I enjoy that friends and family come to me for help, questions, etc.  I like that they want to know what I think.  So, if my friends and family think I will do a great job, who's to say that others will think the same thing.  So, maybe I will get clients based off of these qualities, right? 

To be a personal trainer or not to be.....

This thought has been going through my head so much the past few weeks.  I really want to become one.  Helping others get healthy and meet goals would be an awesome and rewarding career.  So, why I am not sure I can do this?  Well, there are many reasons.  First of all, my lack of self-confidence in myself is a big one.  I keep asking myself, why would someone choose me over someone else to be there personal trainer and dietician?  Second, I don't have a personal trainers body.  I still have many issues to work on, and one might only be cured by surgery, and I don't plan on doing that any time soon, if ever.  Third, I let my anxieties take over me, and I don't dare enter a classroom at the moment.  I can do it online, but being able to actually learn in a gym and see all the different workouts to do in a gym would be awesome.  Fourth, I dislike gyms very much.  I get anxiety every time I step into one (which is very rare).  I don't like the thought that people are watching me, and could very well be judging me (part of the social anxiety that I suffer from.  It totally sucks thinking that people are judging and thinking mean thoughts of you all the time.  They probably don't, but I still think it).
I also have not been the healthiest eater these past couple of months.  I am an emotional eater, and whenever the weather is bad, all I want is sweets, and the weather has been glumy off and on lately.  So, how can I teach people to eat healthy, when I can't even get it under control myself? 
So, here is what I have decided to do.  I am going to be my own guinea pig.  I am going to learn how to overcome my emotional eating, and I am going to figure out what works best for me, and then when I do decide to become a personal trainer and dietician, I will be the best one I can be, and feel more confident about myself.  It will take A LOT of hard work, will power and determination.  I am sure I will experience downfalls along the way.  But this is something I need to do for myself. 
My 10 year high school reunion is in 3 months, and I need to look my best.  So, I have 3 months to transform my body and feel better about myself.  I am good about working out everday.  They are part of my daily routine.  Now I just need to focus on my eating.  If anyone out there has any tips on how to get over emotional eating please send them my way!  But do not tell me to start making crafts.  I am horrible at crafts, and they frustrate me, bringing on emotions, which leads me to eating. 
So, here I go on a journey that I feel I start too many times, and fail each time.  I will overcome my bad eating habits.  It just takes patience, and perseverence, and I got to keep thinking about the goals I want to accomplish by doing this! 
Encouragement along the way would be wonderful feedback for me!  :)
Thank you!