Friday, March 25, 2011
I don't know if I really have a favorite musician. I don't ever really listen to just one person all the time. My ipod is always on playlists that are made up of a bunch of different musicians. Here are my top ones:
Garth Brooks-I like him because of his songs, and he reminds me of my dad. Growing up I listened a lot to Garth with my dad, and it brings back great memories.
Celine Dion-She has a beautiful and powerful voice, and wonderful songs.
Carrie Underwood-I also think that she has a beautiful voice, great songs, and she is gorgeous.
Jennifer Nettles/Sugarland-I think they are wonderful. I love their songs, their music videos, and they seem like they have so much fun together. I really am loving their song "Stuck Like Glue". The music video is hilarious!
Shania Twain-I have been a fan since her first album came out.
Pink-I have been listening to her a lot lately
I guess those are my favorite musicians. I just listen to whatever I feel is a good song.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Hmm......I've often struggled with this question. I have social anxiety disorder, and I always feel like people are judging me, and I am always worried about what others think of me.
Here are a few things that I have been told by other people on how they view me:
- Intimidating-Apparently people are intimidated by me? Really?? I have asked why I am so intimidating and the response has been: because of my looks (I don't get it, and if anyone could explain this to me, I would greatly appreciate it), and since I am so shy I don't talk very much, and I guess that intimidates people.
- Stuck up/snobby- once again, the being shy thing has its downside. Those that haven't gotten to know me think I am or was stuck up and snobby. How do I know this? I have had old classmates tell me on facebook that that is how they thought I was in high school, and friends that I have made recently told me when they first met or saw me they just made that assumption. Awesome, I know. I am working really hard and not being quite so shy, but I don't know how. So if anyone out there has any suggestions, I am willing to take them!
I think this is how my friends/family view me:
- Funny- I can always make them laugh.
- Caring/Loving- My friends and family know that I am always there for them, and that I will do anything to help them out.
- Trustworthy- I am the person that almost everyone will come to when they are having problems or just need to ask questions. They know that I won't go around spreading gossip about them. I have a really good listening ear, and I like that people can come to me with anything.
Others have viewed me as being "beautiful", which actually has had a negative effect on me. There was a time back in high school when I had a fall out with my friends. They didn't like hanging around me because they thought I was beautiful and they didn't like me going with them places (like the mall or wherever) because the guys always stared at me, not them. This hurt me A LOT. These were friends that I had known since the age of 3, and all of a sudden they didn't want to be my friend because of how I looked? You know the saying, "Don't hate me because I am beautiful" well I say "Don't hate me because you think I am beautiful" This is where the low self-esteem started to kick in. I would look in the mirror and say all the things that were ugly about me, and convince myself that I was ugly, just so my friends would want to be friends with me again. Sad, I know, but true.
When I am in situations where my anxiety is high, I feel that others view me as a stupid person, or an ugly person, or I just feel like I am being judged for what I say, what I am wearing, how I look, etc. Its really hard for me when I let my anxiety get in the way like that, because it has such negative effects on me. But I am working on it.
Wow, this is the most I have opened up here on this blog.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
So, here they are, in no particular order:
- Live to be 100. I have always said, that if I didn't die by the age of 21, then I would live to be 100. I think it would be so cool to see how much things change. I have a great-grandpa who is 101. I think this would be a cool goal to accomplish.
- Hold a baby tiger. My mom went on a vacation to Mexico (I think that is where she went) and she was able to hold one. I was very jealous, because tigers are my favorite animal.
- Go on the Ellen Show during her Christmas give-a-ways show.
- Travel to all of the Carribean Islands, and I would like to travel to France and Italy.
- Go to the Sundance Film Festival (I have never been, but have always wanted to go)
- Meet Jillian Michaels. Probably will never happen, but I can dream.
- Pig Wrestling. During the Onion Days festivities there is a pig wrestling tournament. My husband did it last year, and it looked so much fun. If I can get over my anxieties, I am going to do it this year with my little sister and some friends!
- I want to see my kids grow up, and one day become a grandma. I will be the coolest grandma around!
- I want to make a significant difference in someone's life. Not sure yet how to make this happen but I've got 73 years to work on this goal.
So, there you have it. Not the most exciting things (like sky diving, or bungee jumping) but things I would like to do.
Monday, March 21, 2011
This happened last week. I had a long week last week, dealing with sick kids. My best friend came and kidnapped me on Wednesday night, after having told her that Paisley had croup and a double ear infection, and she took me out for ice cream and bought me a shake. This friend of mine is always doing random acts of kindness for everyone she comes in contact with. She is such an inspiration to me. I try to be more like her.
Another act of kindness (it wasn't random) came from my brother-in-law. I had found Insanity online for a cheap price and wanted to buy it. I was scared going by myself because for all I knew it was a crazy person selling it and would hurt me. So, I asked my b-i-l if he could go with me. He was very willing, even though he had to leave work for a little bit. I felt so much better having him there with me when we picked up the DVDs.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
I am actually having trouble remembering the last time that I cried, which is odd. I cry all the time. But lately I haven't. The last time that I can think of, wasn't even a good cry, just a few tears ran down my face while I was watching a movie. Now, don't laugh when I say what movie. Well, okay, you can laugh, because Lee still makes fun of me for it. So, a few weeks ago Lee and I were watching The Spy Next Door ( You are laughing, aren't you?). A few tears ran down my face because it was sad that the mom wouldn't let the kids see Jackie Chan anymore, and they had just started building a relationship with him. I don't know why I cried, but I did.
The last time I had a good cry, I can't even remember when. Maybe back in February sometime. I am sure I had a good meltdown sometime during that month. Not even sure what it was about. Probably something to do with my kids, and how hard it is some days to be a mom. I don't know though. I am actually surprised though that I don't have a recent one. I guess that is a good sign, right?