Friday, January 28, 2011

A little bit of venting

If you don't want to hear me vent, I suggest you don't read this post.
Do you ever wish that you were a stronger person? Do you ever wish that what people said or thought about you didn't matter?
I wish these thoughts all the time. I am so mad that I let people get to me this week and totally throw my focus off track. All I wanted was to make those people proud of me for the things that I am doing, and have accomplished, and instead they attacked me. And what has happened after the attacks? I have let myself fall into the depression that I have been out of for so long. I felt like everything I have accomplished didn't matter. My self-esteem issues that I constantly struggle with plummeted and crashed. I felt that I have not inspired anyone, and that everyone thinks I am a fraud, and am not doing things the healthy way.
How did I deal with all this? The same way I always do: I ate, and I ate a lot! I let all those words get to me. I let the depression take over. And now how do I feel about all of it? I feel guilty, and sick. The rest of the weekend is going to be healthy food only. I also am going to get over those words and get back on track.
I would like to say for the record though, that everything I post here or on facebook about my workouts and my eating habits are healthy. I don't live on the elliptical all day long. I usually only get in a 30 min workout a day. I don't only eat lettuce. I do drink at least one sometimes two protein shakes a day, but they are not my only source of food, also protein shakes are healthy for you. I do eat, and I eat a lot. I eat more than anyone I know. It just healthy food that I eat. I do post my meal plans on here, so many of you can see that I eat at least 5 times a day. I am not starving myself.
I am sorry if I have ever mislead anyone, or made anyone think that I have become obsessed with living a healthy lifestyle. I am not obsessed. I am wanting to live a healthy lifestyle so that I can be around for many years, and not have health problems when I am older. If I sound defensive about these things, its because I was attacked and its our human nature to defend ourselves, especially when you are being told things that are not true.

Thank you for letting me vent, and getting those things off my chest. I must admit that I feel a lot better now. I don't vent very often, but when I do, sometimes its like a volcano and it just spills out.

1 comment:

  1. I struggled w/ that for a while too. I had a revelation a couple months ago that what anyone else thought didn't matter. Growing up, for the most part, that was my attitude and I was happy. After getting so much slack for having my kids so close in age it wore me down. I started listening to the nay-sayers (most of them were extended family so it was hard to ignore). I let it affect me. I too got depressed and for the first time in my life ate my feelings. You've helped yourself and you've helped me. You know how you're living your life and if you're okay w/ it then don't let others get you down. I would not be getting in shape w/o the motivation of this contest. I've worked out nearly everyday this week. Dinah got sick so I haven't stuck to my meal plans but I'm still doing well! Don't get down. I'm sorry you have people in your life questioning you; its so hard to deal with! D&C 18 really helped me recently, especially verses 15-16